Graeme Tollins

To Catch a Giraffe Graeme Tollins

Publisher Marketing: Danny owes three grand to a local gangster. He has exactly seventeen pounds, twenty-two pence in his building society account. This, he realises, is a problem. When he is offered a simple three-way choice: Pay up, lose his testicles, or steal a baby giraffe from the zoo, Danny plumps for option c. He has five days to deliver. With the help of his best friend, Raymond, an obsessive-compulsive with an IQ of 160, Danny puts together an extraordinary plan. One that might just keep his balls out of a metalwork vice, and his life savings behind the vault doors. Meanwhile, on the rich side of town, virginal Huey and his friends are preparing for prom night. His cougar mother has paid for the limo. Controversial rapper, MC Byatch Forker, is to be the star attraction. For Huey though, the last day of school is all about Susanna Harriot, the girl responsible for his huge tissue bill. Can he make her see how amazing he really is, or will the three blonde witches from the tennis club ruin everything once again? Helped and hindered in equal measure by; Marco, a tourettes afflicted pizza delivery boy with a penchant for research chemicals; Constance, a gentle zoo security officer with a girl's name on his last week before retirement; Mr Winston, a local gangster for whom pub toilets are a suitable venue for romantically going 'Jacksy' with the barmaids; and police constable Dickinson, a pacifist community liason officer, outcast because of his admission that he didn't join the force to beat gypsies and immigrants senseless with his truncheon. Then there is a baby giraffe called Flo. Along with a large cast of miscreants, misanthropes, MILFs, murderers, and mal-adjusted sisters who play viola, Danny and Raymond plot their giraffe kidnap, a plan as daring as the 'Dambusters' raid itself, hoping against all odds that they can save Danny's balls from unwanted compression. Prom night is going to be epic. WARNING - This is NOT a children's book. Contains strong language and politically incorrect humour.