Courtney D Jensen

Here Cometh the Son: the Gospel According to Jesus H. W. Christ Courtney D Jensen 1st edition

After 2,000 years of watching people act like, well, people, Jesus is one angry messiah.

"Here Cometh the Son" is a rant two millennia in the making. Rather than turn another cheek, the Lamb of God spews forth His take on people, religion, sex, raisin bran, and on the burdens of being everybody's favorite divinity.

Such as,

1) I hate people who describe populated events as "like a zoo."

I'm having a difficult time equating this public pool (no matter how unpleasant) to a bunch of sad, drugged up animals passing their lives in cages.

2) I hate people who explain to me that their diets are "100% natural."

Everybody's diet is 100% natural. Everything everyone has ever eaten is derived from nature. The alternative is that your diet is supernatural. Like you eat ghosts. So unless you were the inspiration for the Pac-Man character, your diet is totally natural.

3) I hate people who enjoy puzzles.

There's nothing worse than a puzzle in a box. After hours of tedious labor, you marvel at your creation: the exact same picture you can clearly see on the cover of the box.

4) I hate people who say "my house is your house."

Then why did you get so pissed when I hired a real estate agent and put it up on the market? It's mine. And I don't really want it. So why wouldn't I do that? I could totally use the money. Even if all I did was rearrange the furniture or paint the walls, you'd still be upset. It seems the real problem here is communication. First you tell me the house is mine - I own it - and then you throw a fit when I behave like a homeowner. I'm getting mixed signals.

5) I hate people who attend or participate in parades.

Here, I stand on concrete in a crowd of people I don't like while scores of people I don't know (who aren't famous) pass by and wave at me. "It's the greatest thing since sliced bread!", they tell me.

Okay, the "greatest thing since sliced bread" happened about thirty seconds after the first slicing.

Even this book is greater than that.